


Dear John

by Spectre Alenko (iluvkinkythings)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Epistolary, I'm not kidding, Kaidan is a horndog too, M/M, PWP, Shameless Smut, Shepard is a horndog, Smut, but that's okay, mShenko, mention of Shepard/Kelly, mention of Shepard/Liara, mention of Shepard/Sha'ira, they're made for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 15:55:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8673451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iluvkinkythings/pseuds/Spectre%20Alenko
Summary: When Shepard and Kaidan meet again during the Collectors attack on Horizon, it doesn't go well at all.Kaidan feels terrible about it and writes an email to apologize. Turns about Shepard feels bad too, and they start writing each other all the things they should have said to try and mend their friendship. It soon takes an unexpected turns that neither of them have seen coming.





	

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with them on the Citadel. Nothing much exciting, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember all these times we spent talking on the Normandy? You were my best friend... I like to think I was yours, too, after Garrus... But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die -- on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the man I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care.

\--Kaidan

 

 

Kaidan,

Sorry it took me so long to answer this. I’ve spent a very busy, crazy week on Illium… but it’s no excuse, I know. I’m sorry about Horizon, too. Not because of what I said, but because of all the things I didn’t say. You had every reason to be angry at me. I should have explained myself, I should have… I don’t know. I should have been a better friend.

It breaks my heart that I lead you to think you don’t matter to me. You really do, Kaidan. You _were_ my best friend, and maybe I don’t deserve it, but I’ll do anything for you to forgive me. I tried to contact you, but I didn’t know how. Anderson wouldn’t let me know where you were, only said it was classified...

I need you to know that I am careful. I don’t trust Cerberus either, I haven’t forgotten about Admiral Kohaku and all the other ones… But they brought me back to life and gave me a brand new Normandy, which I desperately need, since the Council and the Alliance won’t help. I’m not sure what Cerberus is really after, but like I told you, I really want to stop the Collectors and the Reapers. That’s it.

I get it, if you need time. I’ll wait as long as I need to.

Take care, K.

\--J.S.

 

 

Whoa. I have to admit I didn’t really expect an answer. You never were that good at answering emails. I don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry I was that harsh and judgemental. I’m sure if I had let you the chance, you would have said this to my face. But I had to be a drama queen, right? Not exactly a good friend either, uh?

I’m glad you’re willing to make things better between us. I was worried I had fucked up so bad you’d never want to talk to me again. I would have understood, you know. You’re a good person. Better than I am, for sure.

By the way, I’m glad to read that you don’t trust Cerberus either. And it’s cool that you can use their ship and their money when the Council and the Alliance won’t help, but I still don’t like it. I believe you when you say you just want to stop the Collectors and the Reapers, though. I trust you, you’ll stop them. And I’m working on something right now (I’m afraid I can’t say much about it because it IS classified) and I need to stay where I am for a while now, but if you need help or something, tell me and I’ll see what I can do.

Thank you, Shepard. For everything.

\--Kaidan

 

 

Hey, Kaidan. How come you always call me Shepard and never John? I mean, I don’t really mind, but you can call me John, you know?

Anyway, now that Horizon is behind us… How are you? I want to catch up, since I missed so many things. I don’t have much to say myself, since I only wake up like, 2 months ago.

\--J.S.

 

  
I have no idea. I mean, I was always under your command, so it was always Commander or Shepard. But I’ll call you John. I like it.

I’m good, thank you. Mission is going well, and I’m enjoying myself. I sometimes wish I was back on the Normandy with you, but I can’t complain, you know. About what happened these last two years, as far as I’m concerned, you didn’t miss much… I worked and worked and worked again. Didn’t really know what else to do.

But let’s talk about something else. How are you? How’s your new crew? Does Garrus hate me now or what? (just kidding… though I’m a bit worried anyway) Are you still with Liara? Or is there someone else? I know it’s none of my business, so tell me if I’m being too nosy.

\--Kaidan

 

 

Hey K.

I’m glad you’re okay, and that things seem to be going well for you. I’m good, too, though things are hectic. I have a great crew, and it’s growing every day. They’re not the SR-1 crew, but they’re good people for the most part. I think you’d like them. I’m sure they’d like you, too. Garrus does NOT hate you, and he says hi.

Things with Liara are… complicated. I think it’s fair to say we’re not together anymore. Like you said, lots of things changed in these two years, and Liara changed a lot. I can’t tell you about his in mails, that would be too risky. Anyway, I don’t think we were meant to be.

There’s no one else. Or maybe there is, I don’t know. Kelly (she’s my yeoman) is flirting with me. At least I think she is. I’m so bad at that stuff. What about you? Anything special in your life?

\--J.S.

 

  
  
Tell Garrus I say hi, too! Or… maybe I’ll write him, too? I don’t know, what do you think? Anyway, good to hear you like your new crew. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll get to meet them.

I’m sorry to hear about you and Liara. Do you want to talk about it? If you think that Kelly’s flirting with you, she probably is. Do you like her? Is she cute?

Me? Still no one. I don’t have time for dating. Okay, that’s not true… I guess I could be dating but I don’t really want to. I don’t think I’d be good to anyone right now.

\--Kaidan

 

  
I’m sure Garrus would be happy if you wrote him. He acts like he’s a tough motherfucker, but he’s all soft and fluffy behind his mandibles. And I sure hope you’ll get to meet my crew. Hell, I’m still hoping you’ll come back, some day. I know you’re busy right now, and there’s still the Cerberus thing, but…

It’s okay, don’t worry about me. I liked Liara but I can’t help feeling it’s for the best. I mean, I don’t feel sad or anything. That probably says it all. As for Kelly, well… She’s cute, yeah. And I thought you’d disapprove. I’m glad you’re not, because we might have had sex. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have. I should probably make it stop, uh?

I don’t know why you’d think you wouldn’t be good to anyone. That’s not true. Anyone would be goddamn luck to have you, Kaidan. I mean it. Are you feeling alright?

\--J.S.

 

  
Hey John, sorry I couldn’t answer earlier. There was a huge storm here, messed up with the comms. Couple of my guys got hurt…

I know how you feel. I hope I’ll be back on the Normandy too, some day. I guess we’ll see what happens, uh?

I know I have a stick up my ass, sometimes (Garrus told me this enough times to make me realize it’s true) but I don’t disapprove or judge you. If Kelly makes you happy… Fuck the rules. I mean, are there even rules with Cerberus? I’m not trying to start shit, just curious.

Thank you for saying this. I kinda needed to hear it. I’m okay, don’t worry. I’ve been in a weird funk lately, but nothing too bad. I just.. I don’t know. But don’t worry. I’ll be okay.

\--Kaidan

 

  
Kaidan! Here you are. I was starting to worry. Shit’s been going crazy here too. I mean… We just killed a Thresher Maw to help Grunt complete the Krogan rite of passage. It’s a long story.

I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling down. Is there anything I can do? You can talk to me, K. About anything. Anytime. I’m here for you. Also, don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ll have some words with Garrus… Seriously, at least I can talk about sex with you. I tried with Garrus, and he got all awkward and weird. So if anyone’s got a stick up their ass...

So, yeah, Kelly. She’s really nice, so I invited her in my cabin a couple times, just to chat. I was a bit suspicious at first, because… Well, she’s a shrink who works for Cerberus, you know? But last time we had a few drinks, and I’m just a man so when she gave me a lapdance my downstairs brain took over and I fucked her against the wall. And man, that was good.

Is that TMI? If that makes you uncomfortable, tell me and I’ll stop. What I’m trying to say is that yeah, the sex was awesome but I feel nothing for her and I’m afraid it might cause trouble later and I don’t think getting my rocks off is worth it.

\--J.S.

 

  
Holy shit, John! A Thresher Maw? Without the Mako, I guess?

Also, holy shit at the Kelly story! I definitely didn’t expect that, and yes it’s definitely TMI but I don’t mind. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share this with me. And to be honest with you, it’s fucking hot. Like, _whoa_. Now I realize that maybe I should get out more and find myself someone to spend the night with…

Now, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know her, maybe she’s only after sex, too? But yeah, if you’re worried about making things difficult, maybe it’s for the best if you stop seeing her. It’s not like you’d have any trouble picking up a girl, right? I still remember the Asari Consort on the Citadel… What was her name? Shi’ara? I mean, Garrus and I didn’t get to watch, but we sure heard you! Garrus looked like he wanted to die! It was a bit awkward, I gotta admit, but man, I also admired you. I wish I had that kind of self-confidence.

\--Kaidan

 

  
No Mako. Just assault rifles. That was something. I’m still not sure I didn’t dream all of it.

And you mean Sha’ira. Man, you gotta love the Asari. Best sex of my life. I gotta admit that it got me going, knowing my two best friends were right there. Maybe I could have convinced her to let you join in… We’ll never know.

Have you ever fucked an Asari? I remember you had a crush on Liara, and that you sure liked to look at them dance in Chora’s Den when we went with the guys…

Now, don’t sell yourself short, K. With those dark eyes and that banging body, you can pick up any girl you want, too. And I’ve seen you in the showers so I know you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Damn, now I’m kinda turned on. Too bad we’re in the middle of nowhere. I guess I’ll have to make do with a Fornax magazine and my right hand!

\--J.S.

 

  
Never had sex with an Asari, but you’re right, I would love to. Though right now I’m so turned on that I’d probably fuck a Volus if given the chance. Okay, I wouldn’t, but yeah, I gotta admit the thought of the both of us with one of these blue beauties is really turning me on.

Also, checking me out in the shower, Shepard? I kinda want to tease you about it but that wouldn’t be fair. I looked, too. And since you complimented mine, I’ll compliment yours, okay? You could make lesser men really jealous.

I don’t have any porn mag but that’s what the extranet’s for, right?

\--Kaidan

 

  
Man, look at us, turned on just talking about sex like horny teenagers! You’re kinkier than I thought you’d be. Did you touch yourself, K? I know I did. I came real hard, thinking about our cocks sliding against each other inside a tight hole, and that’s all I can think about now, every fucking day.

Can’t say I don’t like it. Makes me real think about my sexuality.

\--J.S.

 

  
Are you seriously asking me if I jerked off? I didn’t. At all.

Okay, I’m just kidding. Of course I did. More than once, to be honest. I don’t think I’ve touched myself this much since I was like 15. And now, you’re talking about our dicks touching? I’ll never leave my bunk again…

Thinking about your sexuality, uh? That’s good. I mean, you already knew I’m bi, right? Like, I love women but I really love cock, too… And I gotta be honest, yours is featuring in all my fantasies right now. Does that weird you out? I mean, maybe I’m assuming too much, and if you’re only interested in being friends, that’s okay with me.

Jesus, now I’m worried I fucked up everything.

\--Kaidan

 

  
K, you’re over thinking this. I mean, I told you I get off at the idea of your cock against mine, and that it’s making me question my sexuality. So, yes, I’m trying to tell you that I’m into you. You and your cock and your perfect ass.

I’m real glad we’re so close nowadays. Even closer than we were before. And I wish we could be more. If that’s alright with you, as soon as I’m done kicking the Collectors’ ass, I’m gonna drop Cerberus and wait for you at the Citadel.

If I don’t die passing through Omega 4 relay, and if the Alliance doesn’t decide to arrest me…

\--J.S.

 

  
John, you’re such an asshole. You tell me you want to be with me and then that you’re planning a suicide mission going through Omega 4 relay? You’re lucky you’re gorgeous and that I kinda love you.

\--Kaidan

 

  
I know, I’m sorry. You’re really think I’m gorgeous? And what’s this nonsense about ‘kinda’ loving me? Alright, alright, I’ll stop being a jerk. I love you too, K.

To be quite honest, EDI (that’s the Normandy’s VI) is really hopeful about our chance to make it. We’ve upgraded the ship as much as we could (you should see it… Brand new Thanix cannon, top notch shields… I’ll send you pics) and the crew is more than ready. I don’t know why I told you about it like this. Don’t be mad at me?

Now, the Alliance may arrest me, since we’re not supposed to approach Omega 4 relay at all. Hopefully they’ll feel forgiving, with all the Cerberus intel I shared with them, and the data about the Collectors. You see, I’m still an Alliance soldier at heart, too! Does that make me feel sexier or not?  

\--J.S.

 

 

Yeah, I don’t care about the ship’s VI is telling you, I’m still worried. I just told Garrus if he didn’t bring you back in one piece, I’d hunt him down and kill him. And that if he’s dead, I’d piss on his bones.

I’m glad you’re seriously considering going back to the Alliance, though. Hopefully they won’t arrest you, and Cerberus will let you go. They better. I don’t want to have to kill everyone to save your ass, but I will if I need to.

\--Kaidan

 

  
Can I make you stop worrying with tales of my amazing sexual prowess and promises of the best blowjob in the universe?

I’ll be back. I promise.

Also, you managed to scare the shit out of Garrus. I’d never thought I’d see the day, and it’s kinda funny but please stop? I need him focused on the mission.

\--J.S.

 

  
Alright, I’ll stop threatening Garrus, but only because you asked. And you better deliver on that blowjob when you’re back, I’ll hold you to it. For now… I’ll try to stop worrying. If anyone can do this, it’s you. I love you. I asked Anderson to transfer me back to the Citadel asap. Don’t die and break my heart, now.

\--Kaidan

 

  
John? Could you please answer?

\--Kaidan

 

  
John, please.

\--Kaidan

 

  
Kaidan, I’m okay. I was out for a few days, I’ll write as soon as Chakwas lets me go.

\--J.S.

 

  
I don’t believe in any God, but I prayed, John. I prayed so hard for you to come back. Where are you? My mission’s over, I’m on my way to the Citadel.

\--Kaidan

 

  
We blew up the Collector’s base, Kaidan, and I wish you had been there to see it. It was glorious. We didn’t lose anyone, we basically all gave The Illusive Man the finger, and we’re on our way to the Citadel, too. The Alliance will probably put me under arrest for a while, but like I said, will all the intel and data I sent them, plus the Normandy I’m giving them, I’m sure they’ll be lenient. And you’ll be by my side, which is all that matters.

Joker’s telling me we’ll be there in about 18 hours. I’ll send the info directly on your omni-tool as soon asap.

Can’t believe we’re finally see each other again. I can’t wait. Love you.

\--J.S.

 

  
We’ll figure it out together. I love you too.

I’ll wait for you at the docking bay.  

\--Kaidan

 

  
Are you late? I don’t see the Normandy anywhere…

\--Kaidan

 

  
Turn around, Kaidan.

\--J.S.

  


**END**


End file.
